I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
