I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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