Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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