just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize