I don't think brook has ever known best
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
