When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
