i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
