The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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