The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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