What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
