Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
