Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
