he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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