I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
