farters have to be the big spoon...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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