im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
