Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
