Her vagina should come with caution tape.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
