The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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