Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize