guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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