just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
