I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
