You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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