I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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