I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
