Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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