I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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