last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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