Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
