It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I want to be your penis for a week.
This is my gift to your gina
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
