I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
