@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we're so committed to being not committed
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
