He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
