My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
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