i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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