i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize