I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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