I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
