Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
