he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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