That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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