i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
