i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
