Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
