The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
