I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
