Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Pants are for mortals
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
