You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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