adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i think im in europe. pls send help
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
