Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
