Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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