My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
