you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
