you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Its about making memories worth repressing
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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