Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
