grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
