Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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