Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
