Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
