If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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