I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
